1. EVERYTHING sounds good in the first week that you are dating. And I mean everything. Something that would sound totally and completely ridiculous two weeks prior to you starting to date someone sounds like the best thing in the entire world, especially if it is said by the boy that you are dating. What does this mean exactly? DO NOT MAKE PLANS IN THE FIRST WEEK OF YOUR DATING EXPERIENCE!!! What kind of plans might you ask? ANY KIND OF PLANS. Especially if it includes you traveling with him somewhere (even if the plans are being made for months in the future). That first week just enjoy the relationship. Have fun hanging out and holding hands. Enjoy him and the time together. DO NOT plan ANYTHING! After that first week (we will just call it the probabtionary period) you are free to make plans (hopefully after consulting me). Do not let the haze of newly dating cloud your better judgement (TRUST me on this one).
2. Listen to the advice of your father. It is kind of amazing the kind of insights that they can have. I know numerous times when I have just sat with my own dad and just talked to him about my dating life (I won't lie most of the time I was crying). I am sure that it was not one of the top ten BEST conversations with my dad that I have had, but he has always given me sage advice. And I don't know how he does it, but somehow everything that he says usually comes true. Listen closely to your dad. I am sure he will be very wise (at least I hope so).
3. Tell your mom everything. And no I am not just throwing that out there so that I can get all your information...although that would be very clever of me. I say this because she will remember. And that can be a good thing. She not only remembers your current relationship, but all of your previous relationships as well. She is probably going to be the best at comparing and constrasting the different men in your life that may come up. Tell her everything, your ups and your downs because when you are down she will remind you of your ups and when your WAY up she will level you off with a couple of your downs. She will also be wise enough to make mention to you when your downs start outnumbering your ups. At that point she will encourage you to abandon ship and if you are smart you will listen to her. Your relationship with your mom can be one of the things that you really treasure in your life. I know that I treasure my relationship with my mom and I hope that you will treasure the relationship that you will have with me.
4. Have a friend you can cry to. And I mean really, really cry. It will make all the difference in the world, believe me. My best friend, Sam Schlesser, is that friend for me. You have no idea how grateful I am for her. She has seen me at pretty much my lowest of the low and for some odd reason she is still friends with me. I will tell you a couple of stories that relate to dating...I was dating someone in college and Sam and I were roommates. Obviously he broke up with me and I am not going to lie it was pretty difficult (if you ask Sam about this story I am sure that she would say something about how I was the walking dead or something equally dramatic). I went into my room and laid down on my bed and did not make any plans on emerging at any point in the day. I didn't know it at the time, but Sam is the one who was outside of our room telling everyone that I was fine and that I just needed time. She let me grieve in my own way without any interruptions from any well wishers. Another time I was unfortunately in a difficult situation (meaning I was at my boyfriends house thousands of miles away from any family or friends) and he decided that it just wasn't going to work out with us (this experience is just one of the reasons why rule 1 is so INCREDIBLY important). I didn't call Sam right away or text her, but my family did (yeah we are all that close). I got a text from her that said something along the lines that if you want to talk I am here. I waited until I went to bed that night and I call her. I said hello and she said hello how are you and I lost it. I cried. A lot. Like a lot. Fortunately Sam majored in social work so she can handle my random breakdowns. She didn't say anything. She just sat on the phone while I cried and cried and cried and cried...and cried. I cried myself out. She just sat there on the phone and told me that everything was going to be all right. And then she asked if she needed to come out to Texas and kick some butt (not the word used, but I am editing for your benefit). That moment meant so much to me. I am so incredibly grateful for a friend that will just let me cry and be miserable when I need to.
5. Be friends with your sister (or sibling, but sister is probably the best bet). Why is this important, especially in relation to realtionship advice? Well that is probably because she will be the one who is picking you up from the airport or the bus stop after a horrible breakup happens. How do I know this? Because it has happened to me. A couple of times unfortunately. She was there with open arms and a shoulder to cry on everytime (and just as a side note, my dad was there too-they like to travel together I guess). It didn't matter if she had to work the next day (or that day) she would be there. That is how amazing and powerful the love of a sister can be. Don't ever forget that.
6. Don't do anything that you wouldn't do in front of your little brother. I say it this way instead of in front of your parents because I wouldn't want to kiss in front of my parents, but kissing can be fun so that is why I say little brother. I can kiss in front of my little brother. Also, my little brother will be man enough to be like whoah cool down you guys (no he has never had to say that to me). This basically just ensures that your virtue remains intact. That is an incredibly important thing. Like majorly important and one day you will thank me for this advice-although it will not be while you are in a dark car parked in the middle of nowhere with the guy you are dating. Trust me-parked cars are never a good thing. Unless your little brother is there with you...Stay virtuous. You will never regret that.
7. You don't need to be friends with your ex-boyfriends. I know in a perfect world this is how it would work, everyone would be super mature and just move forward like nothing really happened. However, this is not a perfect world. We live in a world where it is perfectly acceptable to make voodo dolls out of our exes and then try to cause as much hurt as possible to that little doll. Take advantage of that aspect of our world, it will help. A lot.
Dating is...difficult. These guidelines though will make it that much better. Just realize that even if the "boy of your dreams" doesn't love you the way you thought or the way that you wanted there are people all around you who love you. No matter what. You will be able to navigate the dating minefield, after all you have some of the best tour guides around!
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