Things I will tell my daughter...Relationship advice

Alright, so there is this saying that boys will be boys. I think it is kind of lame, and yet somehow catchy at the same time. I will tell you everything you need to know about boys...they are dumb...most of the time. That is okay though. I will help you navigate the minefield of dating-in other words I will tell you where there is a landmine and encourage you to avoid it at all costs and then you will simply disregard my warnings and then you will get blown up (not literally that is just gruesome). Fortunately for you I have training as a nurse...and I have a couple years of experience of getting blown up as well. You may say that there is no way that you would never not listen to me (at least that is what I hope you will say) but unfortunately I know how your brain will fall out of your head and your heart will suddenly start beating to a totally different and slightly illogical drum as soon as a cute boy shows even a little bit of interest in you. I won't blame you for it, alright maybe I will a little. When that time comes, (and since I haven't even MET your dad yet it is going to be a LONG LONG LONG time from now) I will be there to help you get through whatever. Here are a couple things I have learned along the way...

1. EVERYTHING sounds good in the first week that you are dating. And I mean everything. Something that would sound totally and completely ridiculous two weeks prior to you starting to date someone sounds like the best thing in the entire world, especially if it is said by the boy that  you are dating. What does this mean exactly? DO NOT MAKE PLANS IN THE FIRST WEEK OF YOUR DATING EXPERIENCE!!! What kind of plans might you ask? ANY KIND OF PLANS. Especially if it includes you traveling with him somewhere (even if the plans are being made for months in the future). That first week just enjoy the relationship. Have fun hanging out and holding hands. Enjoy him and the time together. DO NOT plan ANYTHING! After that first week (we will just call it the probabtionary period) you are free to make plans (hopefully after consulting me). Do not let the haze of newly dating cloud your better judgement (TRUST me on this one).



2. Listen to the advice of your father. It is kind of amazing the kind of insights that they can have. I know numerous times when I have just sat with my own dad and just talked to him about my dating life (I won't lie most of the time I was crying). I  am sure that it was not one of the top ten BEST conversations with my dad that I have had, but he has always given me sage advice. And I don't know how he does it, but somehow everything that he says usually comes true. Listen closely to your dad. I am sure he will be very wise (at least I hope so).


3. Tell your mom everything. And no I am not just throwing that out there so that I can get all your information...although that would be very clever of me. I say this because she will remember. And that can be a good thing. She not only remembers your current relationship, but all of your previous relationships as well. She is probably going to be the best at comparing and constrasting the different men in your life that may come up. Tell her everything, your ups and your downs because when you are down she will remind you of your ups and when your WAY up she will level you off with a couple of your downs. She will also be wise enough to make mention to you when your downs start outnumbering your ups. At that point she will encourage you to abandon ship and if you are smart you will listen to her. Your relationship with your mom can be one of the things that you really treasure in your life. I know that I treasure my relationship with my mom and I hope that you will treasure the relationship that you will have with me.

4. Have a friend you can cry to. And I mean really, really cry. It will make all the difference in the world, believe me. My best friend, Sam Schlesser, is that friend for me. You have no idea how grateful I am for her. She has seen me at pretty much my lowest of the low and for some odd reason she is still friends with me. I will tell you a couple of stories that relate to dating...I was dating someone in college and Sam and I were roommates. Obviously he broke up with me and I am not going to lie it was pretty difficult (if you ask Sam about this story I am sure that she would say something about how I was the walking dead or something equally dramatic). I went into my room and laid down on my bed and did not make any plans on emerging at any point in the day. I didn't know it at the time, but Sam is the one who was outside of our room telling everyone that I was fine and that I just needed time. She let me grieve in my own way without any interruptions from any well wishers. Another time I was unfortunately in a  difficult situation (meaning I was at my boyfriends house thousands of miles away from any family or friends) and he decided that it just wasn't going to work out with us (this experience is just one of the reasons why rule 1 is so INCREDIBLY important). I didn't call Sam right away or text her, but my family did (yeah we are all that close). I got a text from her that said something along the lines that if you want to talk I am here. I waited until I went to bed that night and I call her. I said hello and she said hello how are you and I lost it. I cried. A lot. Like a lot. Fortunately Sam majored in social work so she can handle my random breakdowns. She didn't say anything. She just sat on the phone while I cried and cried and cried and cried...and cried. I cried myself out. She just sat there on the phone and told me that everything was going to be all right. And then she asked if she needed to come out to Texas and kick some butt (not the word used, but I am editing for your benefit). That moment meant so much to me. I am so incredibly grateful for a friend that will just let me cry and be miserable when I need to.



5. Be friends with your sister (or sibling, but sister is probably the best bet). Why is this important, especially in relation to realtionship advice? Well that is probably because she will be the one who is picking you up from the airport or the bus stop after a horrible breakup happens. How do I know this? Because it has happened to me. A couple of times unfortunately. She was there with open arms and a shoulder to cry on everytime (and just as a side note, my dad was there too-they like to travel together I guess). It didn't matter if she had to work the next day (or that day) she would be there. That is how amazing and powerful the love of a sister can be. Don't ever forget that.

6. Don't do anything that you wouldn't do in front of your little brother. I say it this way instead of in front of your parents because I wouldn't want to kiss in front of my parents, but kissing can be fun so that is why I say little brother. I can kiss in front of my little brother. Also, my little brother will be man enough to be like whoah cool down you guys (no he has never had to say that to me). This basically just ensures that your virtue remains intact. That is an incredibly important thing. Like majorly important and one day you will thank me for this advice-although it will not be while you are in a dark car parked in the middle of nowhere with the guy you are dating. Trust me-parked cars are never a good thing. Unless your little brother is there with you...Stay virtuous. You will never regret that.



7. You don't need to be friends with your ex-boyfriends. I know in a perfect world this is how it would work, everyone would be super mature and just move forward like nothing really happened. However, this is not a perfect world. We live in a world where it is perfectly acceptable to make voodo dolls out of our exes and then try to cause as much hurt as possible to that little doll. Take advantage of that aspect of our world, it will help. A lot.



8. Fall in love. Over. And Over. And Over. Just because you have been hurt because some guy who was super duper stupid or ridiculous or couldn't wait until after one of the most important tests of your life was over or thought it would be a good idea for you to meet his ENTIRE family and then break up with you while you were visiting does not mean that all guys are going to be like that. There will be one someday that you will want to fall in love with and you just have to let it happen. Don't be afraid. Yeah it hurts like crazy when you fall and then nothing comes of it, but you learn so much. The pain gives you perspective and it will make that one right one SO much sweeter. The scriptures say that without the bitter you cannot know the sweet. This is so true. And I am coming to realize that the more bitter you know the sweeter the sweet is. Fall in love. Don't be afraid. At some point there will be someone who is going to catch you!

Dating is...difficult. These guidelines though will make it that much better. Just realize that even if the "boy of your dreams" doesn't love you the way you thought or the way that you wanted there are people all around you who love you. No matter what. You will be able to navigate the dating minefield, after all you have some of the best tour guides around!



And then my pink convertible turned into a green Hyuandi...

I have officially grown up. (Like 4 months ago, but it is never too late to recognize it)

I bought a car. Which is a pretty big deal to me. I now have a monthly bill which makes me feel super adultish.

Buying a car was quite an experience. I don't have any credit so I had to have my mom cosign with me which was no big deal. I will say this though when they take your information to go and check your credit it kind of feels like you are naked in the middle of a big room filled with people. I might be exaggerating slightly, but for some reason I felt super nervous like I wasn't going to measure up or something. Fortunately I was able to measure up and I walked out of there, actually drove out that dealership like I owned the place.

My car is super cute! Everyone (mostly "dudes") tend to make fun of it a little saying it is a little too bright, but whatever. You gotta live a little right?

The most important word in the human language...

When I was in college I was asked what I thought the most important word in the human language was. I was slightly caught off guard  by the question and so I stuttered a little something like "umm thanks...or maybe love...or maybe happiness...is this a trick question?" The guy who asked me told me that the most important word in the human language is a person's name.

I had never thought of that before, but it really is true. People respond so differently to you when you know their names and when you use their names when you are talking to them. Using a person's name changes a  "Hey how was your day" inquiry into something that really matters and that person feels like you really do care.

This theory not only works with adults but it works with little kids too.

There was a first grader who came into the nurses office, who I had seen before, but I couldn't remember his name. As part of record keeping we have to document each students name, their grade and why they came into the nurses office. As I was starting to write down his information I asked him what his name was. He looked up with a hurt look in his eyes and said,

"You don't remember??"

Talk about ripping my heart out.       
                                                 

I have made it my goal to make a particular effort to remember names of the people that I meet and then to use their names when I talk to them. It is hard sometimes, but the reaction to a remembered name is so much better than the horrible feelings that come from the reaction of  a forgotten name.

Everyone has talents...

I have always kind of doubted myself and my decision to become a nurse. After I got my degree I wasn't 100% sure that nursing was really what I was supposed to do with my life. The thought that I should have majored in something else often creeps into my mind, but I try to squish it as quickly as possible because I know that nursing is something that I should be doing and I really am grateful for it. There was a little boy who came in and helped reaffirm the fact that nursing was for me. He came in quite a bit at the beginning of the school year and I couldn't help but make him a "favorite" of mine.

He came into the office with a nose bleed and it just did not want to stop. I was holding tissues on his nose and ice on his neck and then I would have him hold the tissues and I would hold ice on his neck and his nose. In the middle of the holding of ice/tissues and the small talk to make it seem like I wasn't freaking out (it was A LOT of blood) he started asking me about whether or not I was a "real" nurse and if I went to school for it. He also told me that I was the nicest nurse that he had ever met.

The real kicker (probably the reason I like him so incredibly much) is that he said that he was soo glad that I was a nurse and he was glad that I had gone to school for nursing because I have a gift for kindness and a great ability to help people who need help. He told me that he could just tell that this was the best thing for me to do. He said that everyone has talents, but not many people are able to really use thier talents in thier jobs, but I was totally using my talents.

His nose stopped bleeding shortly after that and he said bye and headed off to class, but I pondered a lot on what he said. It is true that everyone has talents and it is such a blessing to be able to be in a profession where I can really use the talents that I have been blessed with to help the lives of others. That little boy helped me remember that I actually really enjoy nursing, especially the helping others part of nursing. It was a good reminder that I am in the right place at this time in my life. Reminders like that are wonderful!

"Cuz you look like..."

Often times when kids come to the nurses office during school they are really just looking for  a way to get out of class for a while. What does this mean? Most of the time I simply let them sit in the office for a couple of minutes and then send them back to class. While they are sitting there they sometimes like to have little conversations with me. The following was a conversation that happened on my second day of school.

Third grader, "So how long have you worked here."

Me, "Two days. I started when school started."

Third grader, "Oh that's cool...You wanna be my friend?"

Me, "Um, sure. That sounds ok to me."

Thrid grader, "Awesome. All you have to do is remember my name ok?"

Me, "Alright. I can do that."

(Silence as I start typing something in the computer)

Third grader, "Excuse me."

Me, "Yes?"

Third grader, "How old are you?"

Me (as I turn and look at the student who had the audacity to ask my real age), "Why?"

Third grader, "Cuz you look like you are 16."

I was flattered by her "compliment." I laughed and told her my age and she just responded with oh. Kids really know how to make your day, although I do remember when I was 16 and people would ask me if I was 22. It seems that my looks are digressing, but that is a good thing right?
The youngest picture I have of myself at the moment.
I am on the right and I am 17 (I think).

                                                                                 22nd birthday. Don't I look younger ;)

Hey Good Looking...

Have you ever noticed that when people walk past a reflective object they tend to kind of look at it and examine themselves, but they don't really want people to know that they are looking as if that would  make them less of a person if someone found out that they were checking themselves out. I used to be like that, now however I just full on stare at myself in any reflective object that I come across. That might sound vain and I used to think that it was vain, but it really isn't. Here is what my Anatomy and Physiolgy professor taught me and it changed the way I thought about checking myself out.

He said that everyone who has a body should be grateful because the human body is such an amazing miracle. You should be even more grateful if your body functions normally. It doesn't matter the size of your body or the shape of your body because no matter what you are beautiful because you have this wonderful gift of a body. He encouraged us to "check ourselves out" in the windows and mirrors that we come across because we are all really good looking people. He then went on to say that he even takes it a step farther when he comes across a window or mirror and he talks to his reflection. He says it is amazing what a little say like Hey Good Lookin' can do for a person's self esteem-it doesn't really matter where the compliment is coming from, just that it comes.

I laughed when he shared this, but now I do it all the time. Whenever I get ready in the morning I look at myself in the mirror and I say Wow you are looking soo good or My oh my can you get any prettier. You have no idea how much better my days go when I say this to myself. It is like starting the day off on the right foot because you know at least there is one person in the world who thinks that you are awesome! It is the biggest confidence booster and it really does make it easier to face the day.

The next time you walk past any kind of reflective surface take the time to look and give yourself a little compliment. Love yourself and others will love you that much more!

"I was trying to make it disappear..."

I have two jobs...A part time job at an elementary school as a school nurse (technically a health technician, but no one really knows what that means) and I work basically full time at another school as a secretary. It is lots and lots of fun and I stay busy. These jobs also give me great stories to tell. I love working with kids, especially ones that are not super-duper sick. (Kudos to my lovely sister-love you!!) Here is a more recent story...

A kid comes in with a note from their teacher with a tiny pumpkin shaped eraser taped to it,

the eraser kind of looks like the picture to the right. The note states that the student swallowed the eraser. The other "nurse" (or to be politically correct health tech) in the office asks them what happened and if they swallowed it on purpose. They tell the following story:
I had the eraser in my hand and I was going to do an awesome magic trick with it for my friends-I was going to make it disappear. So I was doing some fancy hand movements and getting very serious. I opened my mouth (cuz that is where I was going to make it "disappear" to) and I flung the eraser in...I guess I just flung it too hard cuz it went down my throat and then I had to swallow so I did and then it was gone. My teacher sent me up here to make sure I was ok. So am I ok?

You have to give the kid some credit. They did make it disappear!